Bittersweet

Bittersweet. That’s really the only way I can describe what I’m feeling right now. The realization hit me with full force this morning that by next week I’ll have no more classes, no more homework, no more tests…no more school for at least the next three months. And while part of me is relieved, a part of me hardly knows what to do with myself. I feel a bit sad, a bit lost. And I’m so pathetic I actually shed a few tears. I think I’ve become one of those strange people that actually likes being in school.

Of course, I’m beat. I’m exhausted. I’m glad, in some ways, that this past semester is nearly over. It has been pretty rough at times. A couple courses have given me many stressful, hair-pulling moments. Moments where I’ve been tempted to throw in the towel. But I’ve hung in there, and here I am at last, at the end. And looking back with very fond memories on those classes, classmates and professors that made this past semester worth even the frustrating bits. It has been a very intense, yet simultaneously very rewarding semester.

This semester has been rewarding mainly because two courses I took had wonderful professors, great classmates, and subjects I loved and excelled in. One professor especially–who taught my favorite class, Spanish 202–left a very positive impression on me. Some people are just cut out to be teachers, and this guy was one of them. Friendly, down-to-earth, approachable, and the type of professor who took personal interest in each one of his students. And yesterday, at our last class, he made my day when, after I handed him my final exam, he frankly and warmly wished me the best, gave me high praise on my grades, and told me he believed I would not only be accepted at the university I applied to, but would do very well there. This meant a lot to me, because, despite his genial nature, he wasn’t one who flattered or gave out compliments and praise indiscriminately. So I knew he meant every word he said. But I was touched even more when I later read a personal note he left on my final essay. He basically gave me more praise and encouragement, and told me how much he appreciated my “dedication” to his class. I have to honestly say I’ve never received such a note from a college professor before. I’ve received notes before, I’ve received commendation before, but not all rolled into one. So such a gesture really touched and encouraged me.

But that note simply added more “bittersweetness” to the end of this semester, and really, the end of my time at the community college. I’ve met some great people, even made a couple friends, and learned a lot over the last few years. And even though this last semester was the most stressful of them all, in some senses, I’ve enjoyed the relationships, discussions, interactions and intellectual stimulation it’s afforded me. And this is why, I think, I’ll miss being in school over the next few months. And why I hope, come tomorrow, that some certain news I’ve been waiting for will be affirmative, and not negative. For I’m only one day away from finding out if the next step of my academic journey will continue on in the fall.

So we’ll see. All I can say for sure at this point is that college has been good for me. I think I’ve walked away from the last few years with greater confidence in my abilities and hopefully better prepared for whatever the future holds. So I hope, and pray, my schooling will continue on into the fall, in a different city, at a four-year university. I confess that I won’t know what to do with myself if it doesn’t. Being in school has given me a greater purpose, a goal, something to keep me going amidst all the other difficult and painful things in my life.

Tomorrow awaits. My future awaits. But I am thankful for what I’ve been given over the last few years, and I will cherish especially the good memories of this past semester. It was rough. But it was also fun. And I learned a lot.

Our best and our brightest: the dismal future of American youth

Three semesters of community college have left me saddened and appalled at the sort of young people who are coming out of our modern-day public education system. When I think that some of these young people may be the leaders of tomorrow, I am absolutely sick at heart.

I was homeschooled. While I never entirely enjoyed being homeschooled, and I believe it had a detrimental effect on me socially, I am definitely thankful now for the first-rate education it gave me. I learned phonics, proper spelling and grammar, unrevised history, morality and discipline. Most of these, it appears, are no longer taught in the public schools, and this is a tragedy in my opinion.

As far as morality and discipline are concerned, I was consistently amazed at the laziness, disregard for rules and respect, and total lack of effort displayed by so many of my classmates over the last few semesters. Showing up for class once in a blue moon, or showing up halfway through class, texting on cellphones during class (I sat near one young lady in one class who spent her time taking photos of herself on her i-phone), surfing the internet or getting on Facebook during class, and admitting one didn’t do the required reading or studying were common occurrences in nearly every class I took. I felt sorry for the teachers, many of whom seemed to be so used to this kind of behavior that they would bend over backwards to try to help their students out—by accepting late assignments, offering extra credit work, and making the tests super easy. I actually felt my intelligence insulted in many of my classes. One of my favorite teachers was one who actually prided himself on being “old-school” and very strict. He refused to cater to laziness or lack of discipline in his students, and many of my classmates complained to me that they thought he was “too hard,” and that’s why they were failing his class. I simply thought to myself, if you did the required reading, took notes, and studied hard, there’s no reason why you should fail the class. I got an A in the class and had one of the highest grades. This wasn’t because I’m a genius—it’s because I studied and paid attention.

Probably the biggest eye-opener, however, has been my most recent class, a course in English Literature. Now, in order to take this class, one has to pass English 111 and 112, basic English composition courses. It’s a wonder to me how half the students even passed those courses to get to English Literature, given the deplorable writing skills I encountered. Under normal circumstances, I probably would never have seen samples of my fellow students’ writing, but for our final exam we had to make Powerpoint presentations of one of our papers and then post them online to be “critiqued” by fellow students. After viewing my fellow students’ contributions, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Being the perfectionist I am, I was so concerned my own presentation would surely be unimpressive compared to others’—however, instead I came away feeling mine was almost “overdone.” This was no reflection of my own brilliance, but a reflection of the poor quality of most of my peers’ work. There were, thankfully, some flashes of intelligence, effort and good writing from maybe three or four of my fellow students, but they were the anomalies. Most of the presentations displayed atrocious grammar, horrific spelling, ignorance of proper MLA format, and a complete disregard for following the requirements of the assignment. Not to mention the layout of the slides themselves was often shoddy, but I’ll overlook that, as maybe not everyone knew how to use Powerpoint.

I was especially surprised by some of the presentations belonging to students whose names I knew, as many of them “seemed” fairly intelligent when speaking in class. However, their writing made them appear almost illiterate. I understand some people have learning disabilities, such as dyslexia, and for those students I’ll certainly grant some leeway—but I highly doubt three-fourths of my class had dyslexia. Then there were the ones who didn’t pay much attention in class and didn’t “seem” overly intelligent when speaking, yet their presentations, to their credit, were better than I expected. So I get that some people express themselves better in writing than in speaking, and writing and making Powerpoint presentations are not everyone’s strengths, so I don’t want to make the blanket assumption that the majority of the students in my class were stupid—in fact, I don’t make that assumption at all. However, when the majority of my fellow college-age students can’t even use proper grammar, make complete sentences, and use proper spelling, let alone follow instructions, I am forced to assume that, while they may not be stupid, they are certainly ignorant and lazy. And this is heartbreaking.

It’s sad that, for one of my papers, the professor actually thought I was doing a citation on my “Works Cited” page wrong, simply because she was so used to seeing incorrect Works Cited pages from other students. When I pointed out I was following the MLA format exactly as it was demonstrated in my writing handbook, she apologized to me, explaining she wasn’t used to seeing such “sophistication” from her students. Yikes! If that doesn’t speak volumes about the quality of students coming out of our present-day public school system and entering community colleges, I don’t know what does.

I wish I could say that being a straight-A, 4.0 GPA, Dean’s List student makes me feel good about my academic ability, but the truth is that I hardly know how to really gauge my intelligence when community college is “dumbed down” so much for the uneducated and unmotivated students entering its halls from public schools. I only hope I am being prepared properly for real college courses, in a real university, where the professors aren’t so lenient and demand far more from their students. Meanwhile, I wonder how most of my fellow community-college students think they will get very far in their academic careers if they can barely form intelligible sentences.

What a future this country has to look forward to. Tragic.